im not

Thursday, December 22, 2005

do any1 ponder why u are born in this world!? u look around, every1's life is the same, every1 goes thru almost the same process of life. nothing special, the pathway to death is already being laid, everything is the same.

does any1 really go thinking 'why am i born!? what differences will this world be w/o me?'
i suddenly think that i'm just a drop of water that makes up the whole ocean [okay, what a wierd comparison] but i think normal human beings' life is just as plain as water, as insignicant.
sure ppl will be sad if i die suddenly, but they wun be if i'm not in this world in the first place

recently, i will reach home and start thinking bout why am i born in this world. for the past 1year, i'm trying so hard to figure out what's the meaning of life. why shld i follow others' footsteps, why shld i be the same as every1?
am i really born to be just part of society, living life aimlessly & died eventually?

it will comes one point when i just feel like crying when i realise how insignicant i am, when i'm so fustrated over what i want in life, why am i here for. all alone, i shut myself out from the outer world and cried my heart out. i always feel better after crying, it's no doubt a good way of releasing my feeling inside at least that's how i feel

my heart is now lighter after a chat with blackie, my lifetime listening ear. i know i'm lost, i'm puzzle over meaning of life, i cant let go of sth in e past which i absolutely have no idea what is it.
what blackie said make sense, all i need is time but i have to find the answers alone. listening ears are forever ready there for me, but the path of enlighten is lonely and tedious.

perhaps, it's really true that every1's life is the same thru out, but it's all the small details that makes up the differences, that makes up the meaning of life.
i dunno anything for now, i just want the answers. or maybe, i'm just suffering from depression or just simply thinking too much

hit town with dear just now but came home empty handed. was actually thinking of buying strawberry mochi and some candies for every1 in class, including the trainer but peeps replied my calls too late and i have already left the place since some1 is exhausted.

tiff over his tiredness but all things ended well, like it always do. i cant blame him for being tired, can i? i myself is always dozing off, regardless of trains, buses, cabs or even his place. i think i shld really learn to be more forgiving towards him, like he is to me.

still wondering what to get for his xmas prezzie, but some1 have already figure out what's for mine.
a jacket? [that's insane, he doesn wear any]
another game? [can u be more creative?]
gotta hit town tmr again for his xmas gifts. still wondering whether to join joyceEe for dinner tmr since she only invited me after we accidentally overheard her invitation to weiwei in the toilet. *hmpf*

douwant to know.

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