im not

Monday, June 05, 2006

just 'cause i get pissed with you often doesn means i don't like you.
this particular person i have in mind while typing all this out, i do like you alot.
just... if u don't irritate me with ur mouth =P
okay, maybe i'm just easily irritable =/

still sickly.
fever's gone. headache gone.but the other 3remains plus slight cough.
staying at home all day, with the company of tv & lappy. but it's so boring, wanna go out to buy essentials for taipei trip but was reminded that i needed to queue up to re-make my atm card first. gave up this thought, gave up the thought of taking x-ray cuz of the Q word again.
lazy me.

mapping out my future path.
i don't want to stop my studies after next year, not 'cause i don't think a diploma isn't enough but 'cause i believe getting the diploma of the course you're interested in is very important.
i wanna pursue another diploma, a diploma in a course i'm interested in.
yet, i'm swept by a fear of 'what if that course i thought i love doesn't turned out to be what i thought it is' suddenly
i don't deny, i doesn have much interests in my course.
when my attachment just started, i told people it's kinda fun which was true then.
attachments were so much interesting than classes in nyp. THEN.
as time goes along, supervisors have higher standard of us. i lose tracked of how they gauge their standard, i don't know what's their standard.
i'm lost.

yuanqi told me this 'if u're good in what u're doing/studying, u'll love what u're doing/studying.'
how true is that.
i love maths & i come to think of it now, it's cuz i love the feeling of solving a very difficult maths question after numerous tries.
but what if i cant solve it!? what if i'm lousy at maths?
conclusion: i won't love maths at all.
'cause i know i have the ability to solve it, that's why i kept trying.
maths. u can try as many times as you likes as long as u get the answer in the end.
but in dentistry, it's a different case. totally different.

i always love this concept - happiness in what you're doing is important.
frankly, i love waiteress-ing....in my previous workplace 'cause everything is so simple, including the people there.
the hourly pay, too damn attractive. just imagine 4days a month earned me 400bucks. i will have love to venture out in search of a job i really love if not for this attractive pay.
i love that concept, i wanna live my life by that concept, yet i got swept by reality...duh

sorry, it's a boring post.
it's typed under sickly condition, can't blame me =P
what irked me more is the relationship among the community & all the facade people put up.

douwant to know.

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